This is a story I started to write one day. It’s an idea I had - the problem being, I had no idea what should come after. I suppose it’s pretty Pratchett. I hadn’t looked at it for months anyway. I like it, and I wouldn’t mind if it went somewhere, but it isn’t just yet. Enjoy.
He sat in the waiting room.
‘So you want to be male, then?’ Someone said.
‘Yes, please,’ the male replied.
‘Umm, you’ve got a choice of two names. Jason or Scott. Take your pick,’ the Someone said.
‘Won’t my parents choose?’
‘They did. They chose either Jason or Scott.’
‘Oh. Jason. Yeah, Jason.’
The room that Jason sat in was large and white. So large that the walls seemed very far away, if there were any walls at all. It was like living in a piece of paper.
‘Well, Jason, you take it from here. It’s a touch sensitive screen. All pretty self-explanatory, I think.’
‘What’s a touch sensitive screen?’ said Jason.
‘Umm. I’m not sure, actually,’ Someone said, ‘but you’ll pick it up.’
The piece of paper turned black, like someone dipped it into cosmos-coloured ink.
A sign lit up in the black room. Clear white, it said Life Choices.
‘I have to pick them all now?’ said Jason.
‘Afraid so.’ The Someone said.
‘But I haven’t even been born yet!’
‘Yes you have, it says here. In fact, quite a few times.’
‘How many times?’ Jason was slightly panicked.
‘Umm. All of them.’
‘What? How? When?’
‘Are you going to ask where and why as well?’ said Someone. Jason didn’t find it funny. ‘Fine. Well, according to this, you’ve been born all the times you will ever be born, at exactly the same time that you’re about to be born. That’s space-time for you.’
‘I don’t like it. I don’t get it.’ said Jason.
‘You should try working here.’
‘Don’t I even get reincarnated or something?’
‘Of course you do. As yourself.’
‘I was hoping for an eagle or a sea lion or something.’
‘No can do. Get to work anyway. We’ve only got three years until you start taking control of your life.’
Jason stood before the great black space. There were two neon blue lines with a node at each end. Next to one node was the word ‘Burp’. Next to the other was the word ‘Giggle’.
‘Are you serious?’ he said.
‘Every single choice.’ replied Someone.
‘Kids are dumb.’
‘Ever had them? Oh. It says here you’ve had them a lot of times.’
‘How many?’
‘Well, the number is, huh, dangerously close to infinite.’
‘Oh.’
Jason made his first choice. He touched a node. More lines unrolled with more choices to be made. He chose ‘fall over’. In this strange space, this waiting room, he did not have any real form. If human eyes were to be laid upon him they might see a pudgy baby on the ground. He made his second choice. The baby seemed a little different.
‘Cute,’ said the Someone.
It became clear that Jason was not standing in any of God’s waiting rooms, rather that he was sitting in Jason’s waiting room. Each choice that Jason would ever face was laid out before him, one by one. He chose his right foot to take his first step. He chose to vomit his spaghetti the first time he ate it, rather than enjoy it. Jason chose to ride his bike across the road rather than around the block. He took the running race in school rather than high jump, he slept through his maths class, he dumped his first girlfriend after meeting her dad. By now the glowing blue lines and the globular choices they linked hung like a grand crystal chandelier, a nightmare circuit-board. Jason looked a lot like a scruffy-haired teenager by now.
For three years Jason mapped the path his life would take. The light played against his face. He gained weight, lost it, gained more, got bruises and scars before they healed. His hair was cut and fashioned into every shape imaginable. Lines began to pit his face. His skin started to sag. Choices flew by. He was an expert at making decisions. He seemed like a rather old man now. He knew the consequences of every action. Every choice was considered promptly and logically. He didn’t even use the touch screen now. He just thought, and the choice was made. The web was a blur. Suddenly, it stopped.
‘Now there’s a life a man can live with,’ Jason said. The room seemed empty. He kept talking. ‘You know, when I was younger, I barely even thought about it. I just went with it. I mean, when I was a baby I barely even looked, I just picked at random, you know.’
‘It’s time to go,’ Someone said.
‘Mmmm.’
If there were any lights in the waiting room, they would have turned off.
Some time passed. Fate stepped into the room. He looked like he knew where he was going. ‘He’ll do,’ thought Fate, ‘Of course, I already knew that.’ He looked towards the light glow of the web. It looked like a robot’s family tree. Fate took a step closer, and then made a mess of it.